Cherish the Little Things
by AndromedaAI
Summary: After the death of a cousin, Spock struggles to keep his emotions in check. His cousin's quarters bring up a lot of memories, including her death.


**Well, here's a one-shot. I was thinking of writing something sad and I got the idea of trying to expand the family on Spock's human side (since the Memory Alpha wiki lists only his Vulcan family). This is sort of a study of Spock, in my opinion, on how he would react to the death of someone as close to him as his mother died. Instead of anger...it would be sorrow. I hope you like.**

**So Spock and his cousin were close when they were growing up...so yeah.**

* * *

**Cherish the Little Things**

Amelia Grayson was Spock's only cousin.

And now she was gone.

Dead.

Spock never allowed the carefully hidden sorrow to show on his face. Vulcan's never showed emotions, even in times of grief. Even when it felt like their souls were on fire because a loved one had been so roughly taken away from them.

Spock was Vulcan. But he was also human. His human side grieved, while his Vulcan side remained stoic. The other crewmembers knew that even though Spock looked like he didn't care, he _did_.

That's why he said he would be the one to gather up Amelia's things and have them sent away to her mother and father. And that's why, the morning after her death, Spock entered her quarters. They were located on the same deck as his were, which made it all the more difficult.

Amelia's quarters were furnished with only a slight clutter. Uhura often commented that it showed how different Amelia was compared to him. She was basically the black to his white. That's probably why they were so compatible, why they rarely fought or argued.

He waded into the main area of her quarters, stepping over stacks of leather-bound books, and around a few plush toys that she had used to seek comfort from while they were in space. He went over to her couch and straightened the sky blue decorative cushions, which had been left piled in the middle of the seat.

On the coffee table, there were three PADDs. Amelia had been halfway done her paperwork when she had been called to join the away team. He picked one of them up and turned it on before scrolling through it. Because she had been the Lieutenant Commander of the Archeological department of science on the ship, she had been the commander of the department. All important paperwork went to her when it came to artifacts and historical information.

He put the PADD back down and walked over to the small drink dispenser that her room was equipped with. Sitting in the tray underneath the dispenser was a clear, glass mug filled with hot chocolate. He picked up the mug and dipped a finger into the liquid. It was cold, meaning Amelia had gotten it right before she had been called to join the away team. He pressed the pad of the finger covered in hot chocolate to his tongue, tasting his cousin's favourite type of the warm drink.

"_What is that you are drinking?" fourteen year old Spock asked his cousin. He had come to visit her because his father, Ambassador Sarek, was on Earth with business._

_Thirteen year old Amelia smiled at him with her sweet, sweet smile. It always seemed to calm him, even after he had a rough run-in with the trio of Vulcan children who seemed to enjoy belittling his heritage. "It's called hot chocolate, Spock!" Amelia replied. "It's really good, do you want some?"_

_Spock thought about it, glancing out his cousin's bedroom window as he did so. Large flakes of frozen, crystalized water fell slowly from the sky above, a by-product of the current season and the fact that Amelia lived so far north, in Canadian territory. Turning to look at his cousin, he asked, "What is it composed of?"_

_She chuckled. "You want to know the ingredients?" she asked with subtle humor. "Well, hot chocolate used to come as a powder, back a hundred years ago. But now you can get hot chocolate made with real chocolate! The main ingredients of chocolate are cocoa beans and maybe milk…I'm not quite sure. There might be sugar in there too…" Spock took a step back at the sound of sugar. _

_She noticed. "Don't worry, Spock! I know you don't like sugar because it gives you more energy and threatens to break your calm…logical-ness. There isn't much sugar in hot chocolate, because the drink dispenser in the kitchen mixes the hot chocolate mix with water!"_

_He looked at her, and then at her drink, which had steam slowly curling up from its surface. Then he looked outside again, noting how he had to endure the cold in order to get to the front door from the shuttle he had taken to get there. He was Vulcan, and was not used to the cold, since his planet never experienced these temperatures. With a slow blink, he said, "I would like to have a… 'hot chocolate'."_

_Her grin nearly made him smile._

He dumped the cold liquid into the sink she had in her washroom, then dropped the mug into the recycler. He often wondered why he thought it logical to brave the Arctic cold of the Alberta winters in order to see her when his father went to Earth for Ambassadorial meetings.

Spock went back to the PADDs sitting on the coffee table and stacked one on top of the other, ready for when he had to take them down to the archaeological department. Amelia's second, Lt. Zachary, would have to finish them.

Taking a foldable box from her closet, he opened it and began to fill it with her books. The books alone filled the box, so he got another one and began to fill it with her plush toys. Plush cats, teddy bears, antique "Beanie Babies", and more went into the box, and his gathering only stopped when he picked up one plush doll that caused him to do something completely un-Vulcan. He sighed.

The plush doll was of a Vulcan boy—him, more specifically. Amelia had made it herself, when she was fifteen. She was so precise, exacting, when she made it. Its skin was the right shade of pale, almost cream, its hair, made of felt, was black. The eyes, which were just black ovals, stared blankly at him as he looked at the long cloak the doll was wearing. It was like the cloak he had worn while he was being schooled.

She had made this doll for herself, and then made a doll that looked like her and gave it to him.

He set the Vulcan-doll down, and planned to take it with him to his quarters later once he was done. He would put it with the Amelia-doll he kept locked up in his safe, where Kirk couldn't get to it.

All the plush toys managed to fit into one box, and he sealed it before he stacked it on top of the box of books. A large, clear bag was opened, and Amelia's many pastel pillows, both big and small, went into it. The bag was set next to the boxes. Her jewelry box was put into another box, along with her sketch pads, pencils, colouring inks, scrap book, and photo album.

He went to seal that box as well, but one last item caught his attention. It was a book, and it sitting on her side table next to an old fountain pen. He picked it up and opened it to the first page, quickly realizing that it was a journal.

_To be read by my cousin, Commander Spock, of the USS_ Enterprise_, if something should happen to me during our missions._

That's what it said on the first page, in bold black ink, and in elegant cursive.

Amelia always trusted him. That was the trait he liked about her the most. No matter what the situation, Amelia always trusted him, no matter what she had to do. If he said she had to do it, she did it.

But it was because of that…that she was now gone.

He turned to the next page, seeing as he had permission to read what she had written down. He sat down upon her couch and began to read.

_August 17__th__, 2258_—typical of Amelia. She used Anno Domini dating instead of stardates in order to keep track of what the date was while they were in space. He didn't know if she could not understand how stardates worked, or if it was because she liked history so much that she preferred to tell time like their ancestors did.

'_Today's the day we ship out for the Enterprise's first mission since the Nero incident and we received a new warp core. Personally, I'm excited. I've just graduated from Starfleet Academy as a Lieutenant, and I've managed to get assigned to the same ship my cousin's on! I don't know how I did it, but I think it's because of my relation to Spock, _al_ Sarek (who's an Ambassador), and that Dad's an Admiral. I'm going to have to hug Dad again, because it was he who talked Admiral Pike into assigning me to the Enterprise._

_But one thing's really made me a little uneasy. Spock is the captain's second in command on this vessel. And from what I know, he doesn't like to show favouritism. Lt. Uhura told me about how she got onto the Enterprise, and how he told her that. He probably won't even look at me, or will pretend to not know who I am, or…_

_I'm just working myself into a tizzy. If I run into Spock, I'll treat him with respect. Now's the time to shed the cousin familiarity, and act like I should. He's my superior now, after all.'_

Spock frowned slightly. He was not aware that Amelia felt that way towards him when she was assigned to the _Enterprise_. But she was correct about how he tried to avoid favouritism. It affected his record and his reputation.

He gripped the journal a little tighter as his mind quickly went over all the memories he remembered of the good times they had. Even as adults, they managed to enjoy each-other's company.

Spock couldn't help but feel some sort of loss, though he didn't allow it to show, even though he was alone in the room. Vulcans don't show emotion.

He turned to the next post and read it.

_August 20__th__ 2258_

_I really want to write in this journal every day, but I have been terribly busy. Lt. Commander Riley has been keeping me on my toes. It's like he wanted to see if I really lived up to the title of Lieutenant. He also kept belittling me to the point I was almost in tears. He was all like: "Lt. Grayson, work harder! I know two year olds who work harder than you!", "You don't deserve the rank of Lieutenant!", and "You should still be a cadet, Grayson! You hear me?"_

_But I was working so hard. And he just kept yelling at me. He kept making me do everything – from running tests on proto-Vulcan artifacts to compiling data on Romulans. He wouldn't even let me go for lunch. He's got me to the point where, every time he turns his back on me, I imagine myself strangling him. He had no right to treat me less than dirt._

_Thankfully, Spock noticed what he was doing to me. Though he doesn't show favouritism, he did know when a crewmember was verbally abusing another crewmember. He stripped Riley of his rank and had him deported. I was made the commander of the department, even though I was going to stay a Lieutenant. I'm just glad he's gone. Makes me cherish the little things, actually._

The Vulcan-human continued to read, remembering the events she referred to as he blazed through the entries. He was amazed of all the times Amelia had been emotionally distressed, and had chosen not to show it. He remembered that on those days, even though his cousin didn't show her distress, she had certainly become quite on edge, testy. She would often snap at other crewmembers, and even the captain, when they tried to cheer her up.

Being a Starfleet officer was an emotionally trying duty. He often wondered if, when her emotions were in a state of flux, she had tried to act as much as a Vulcan as she could. But it had obviously not worked.

He turned to the last entry of the journal, taking in the date and how long the entry was, even as a folded up piece of paper fell out from between the pages. It landed on his lap, but he paid no mind to it. His eyes were glued to the page, and, against his wishes, he felt the same kind of sorrow he had felt when he watched his mother die swell up inside him, making his heart stutter with the way his body reacted to the feeling.

Amelia always seemed to think about him.

_December 10__th__ 2258_

_Well, I've just been called to join an away team. First time in a long time, actually. I've been so busy with my post that I haven't been able to see any new planets. But now I get to gather more data! I'm excited, even though I won't be able to drink my hot chocolate. I'll just have to get another one when I get back. Hopefully I'll get back in one piece. I have a bad feeling about this away team visit to this planet. But I should be safe. Spock's going be there._

She was correct. But she had no idea what was coming. She wouldn't have known what was going to kill her until right before she died. Spock slowly closed the journal and tucked it into the last box before sealing it.

He set the box next to the others, and took a step back from the things he had gathered. He looked them over before going over to her closet. He opened it and took out one last box. Into that box went her civilian clothes and her dress uniform before it was sealed as well and the closet was closed for the last time.

Spock opened his hand-held communicator and called for someone to come with a cart in order to transport Amelia's things. An ensign entered the quarters and loaded up the cart with the boxes and the bag before leaving, with Spock following him.

* * *

When Amelia's parents received her possessions, Spock didn't hear from them for days. When he did, he could tell that they were both heavily grieving. Spock would later admit that at that moment, he found it hard to keep a straight face. Admiral Grayson sported puffy red eyes gleaming with tears as he spoke to Spock, asking what had happened. What had killed her. Spock tried to keep his voice flat and level, but it still quivered slightly at some spots.

They had beamed down onto a planet known as Levi III, which orbited the center star on Orion's belt. It was a planet covered in dust similar to that of the dust you could find collecting on books or shelves if they hadn't been dusted recently. With every step they took, a little bit of dust was kicked up. They had come across a structure that reminded them of a factory from the middle of the twentieth century to the middle of the twenty-first century, and had entered it.

They were exploring one of the catwalks near the top of the main room, and he and Amelia had been trailing behind. Up ahead, Kirk had accidentally bumped into a control panel, which had activated some sort of process. But the machinery was so old that an engine that used to run some sort of winch fell from above and landed on the catwalk, between Spock, Amelia, and the others.

The engine had one end propped up on one of the railings, but it was quickly buckling because of the engine's weight. Spock ordered Amelia to crawl under the engine in order to get to the others as ancient alarms began to sound. She had looked at him a bit apprehensively before she obeyed, and began to crawl under the engine. But because of the strain the weight of the engine was putting on that side of the catwalk, a grate under her gave way, and she fell. She just barely managed to grab a hold of the edge of the catwalk.

Her eyes were wide with shock and fear, but once she grasped her full situation, tears began to flow from them. She cried out his name as her fingers began to slip. He rushed over and slipped to his knees, and reached to grab her wrists, but she lost grip and fell.

Her screams echoed in his mind as he relayed the incident to her father. "I am sorry, sir," Spock said, his voice sounding hollow, even without emotion in it.

Admiral Grayson rubbed his hands over his face with a sigh. "It's alright, Spock. You couldn't do anything, especially since the building was about to collapse," the aging man said.

There was silence, and Spock broke eye-contact with his mother's brother. A little voice inside him asked, _What did Amelia think as she fell? Did she watch you the entire time, watching as you grew smaller and smaller the farther she fell, wondering if you hesitated, hesitated at all?_

"Son," Admiral Grayson said, causing Spock to look up. "I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that…that Amelia might have blamed you for her death…" the half Vulcan looked at him in concealed surprise. "But that's not true. She probably knew that no one was going to be able to save her."

Spock took a shallow breath. "I see, sir."

"I have to be going," Amelia's father said. "I still need to console her mother. I hope you're handling this alright, Spock, I do not want you to get emotionally-compromised because of this. Amelia wouldn't." with a sigh, the Admiral said, "Grayson, out." and the screen went dark.

With a deep breath that he slowly let out through his nose, Spock turned his chair and stood up. But as he stood, something crinkled in his pocket, drawing his attention. He slowly slid his hand into that pocket and drew out a folded up piece of paper.

It was the piece of paper that had fallen out of Amelia's journal. He unfolded the paper and saw that it was a note addressed to him.

_Dear Spock_

_If you are reading this, then that means I am gone. I don't know if my death will have affected you in any way, but I just wanted to let you know that I loved you. You were the best cousin anyone could have ever had. You were the only personal company that I had on this ship, even though we did not talk to each other all that often. With what I had to do in archaeology and you on the bridge, we barely had time to even talk to each other. I'm just glad that you were there._

_You know, I often wondered if I was ever a burden to you. Like, I was your cousin – I always thought I was some kind of embodiment of the one thing you didn't want to show: favouritism. I embodied favouritism more than Uhura because I am related to you. She was just a good friend of yours. I'm your cousin. Maybe I should have asked to be moved to another ship. Or maybe I should have stopped Dad from asking Admiral Pike if I could serve on the Enterprise._

_But, you know what? I wouldn't change that for the world now. Because working on the Enterprise…well…it's the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I enjoyed serving with you and serving under you._ _I have been, and always shall be, your friend and cousin, Spock. Don't forget about that, even though you will never, ever see me again._

_I just wished we could have spent more time with each other._

_Live long and prosper,_

—_Amelia_

The dam burst, and tears rolled down his cheeks.

"I am sorry."

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**I just noticed that I used 'in order to' a lot *nervous laugh***

**Spock's tears were not accompanied by sobs. Still a stoic as ever...**

**So, how did you like it? Did this story invoke any sadness in you? Review and tell me about it! This sure made me cry as I wrote it. Thanks for reading!**

**(Also, if you liked it, and I get enough reviews, I'll write a whole fanfiction about the two, but written from Amelia's point of view)**


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